I thought you might like to know what happened as I fought this through and went on the church Sunday.
It's funny, but I'm not sure what I was expecting when I got to church. Not that I had doubt in God's ability to touch me, it's just when you are in the middle of something like this, I'm not sure you really think clearly. I know for a fact that I didn't expect what I got!
As Paul, Amie and I walked into the room, there were no seats left except right up front. We made our way down as I held on to Paul for stability. I was still dizzy and vision blurry, etc. Pretty much the same as Saturday. I thought, this is a good thing, maybe I can see the worship songs on the screen. When we settled in, I could see the screen but it was blurry. Praise and worship started and we began to sing. I knew if was going to take all I could just to make it through this. As everyone was singing, I was thinking of sitting down. Instead, something inside me said, "Lift your hands and praise". I looked around to see if someone near me had said that, then raised my hands and began to just thank God for His goodness. As I opened my eyes and looked at the screen, I realized I could see it clearly. I mean no fuzzy, blurry.....very clear. Then I thought about my lightheadedness and turned my head back and forth. I realized I was NOT dizzy. I turned to Paul with tears running down my face and said, "I think I've been healed!"
Well, I don't just think it, I know that God touched me and healed me of whatever it was that was attacking my body. I have had absolutely no dizzyness, no numbeness, no blurred vision since that worship service! Thank you Jesus!
I have been looking for victims all week to tell my story to. I have been thanking God all week for His goodness!
Tuesday, March 30, 2010
Sunday, March 21, 2010
The Battle is the Lords
So, I wake up yesterday morning and get my coffee, sit at the computer to start another day. In about 30 minutes, everything was blurry, I felt very lightheaded and dizzy. When I stood up, I was feeling numbness in my limbs and right side of my face.
Now, if you knew me, you would know that I am a pretty healthy gal. A girl of 53 winters, I have seen my share of health issues, but usually in other people! The first thing that came to mind was that this shall pass. I am thinking as the day wears on it will go away, maybe I slept on my neck wrong, or something like that. As the day went on, I had to take Amie to meet a friend. This same feeling of light and dizzy and almost drunk kept up throughout the day. By 5 last night I decided I had not been able to talk it away, sleep it away and was getting pretty nervous. I ran into emergency and found myself in a room with iv hooked up, getting a cat scan, ekg, and all the other stuff. I was told to follow up with a neurologist on Monday. They said the ct had shown I had some sort of old fracture that is up until now still unexplained.
The meds they gave me made me sleep through the night. My thought was I would be normal by this morning. As I lifted out of bed and tested the water.......I was disappointed to feel the same as I had yesterday! Crap! Give me a break. I have things to do, a family to take care of and a life to live! I thought about laying back down and staying in bed, but my brain would not shut down, so I got up and decided to get ready for church. After all, when you feel off kilter, where would you rather be than in church where something miraculous can happen. Not that it can't right here or in the hospital, but it seems when you get a whole bunch of people together that believe in miracles, they happen!
Here's the crazy part....... I have to put a disclaimer here, I am NOT one that sees visions and dreams dreams. I know people do and I have asked God to give me dreams, just hasn't happened for me. However, this morning as I decided to get to the bath and get ready for church, something happened. It was a chore, every step from getting into the shower to getting dressed. Each move I made, I just wanted to make it in the direction of the bed. Then as I was standing in the mirror putting on a bit of face, instead of seeing my face I was looking at a soldier, in medevial times, putting on his armor and getting ready for battle. Every time I picked up a different piece of make up, I saw a different piece of armor! Suddenly I realized, this is not about how I feel, this is a battle and I am making a choice to fight it. I truly believe that God is saying to me, "Get up and fight". Wow!!! I saw the whole thing at this point. Satan wants to defeat me. He knows that i am on the verge of kicking his butt!
I was dressed, came downstairs waiting for everyone else to dress. A looked up the word battle in the Bible. Duet 20 and this is what God said to me.
Hear O Isreal, today you go up to battle against your enemies. Do not be let your hearts faint, do not be afraid, do not tremble neither be terrified before their faces. For Jehovah your God is He who goes with you to fight for you and to save you.
Well, I am on my way to meet with a bunch of believers at church. I am soooo excited to see how God is going to win this battle for me!
Stormie
Now, if you knew me, you would know that I am a pretty healthy gal. A girl of 53 winters, I have seen my share of health issues, but usually in other people! The first thing that came to mind was that this shall pass. I am thinking as the day wears on it will go away, maybe I slept on my neck wrong, or something like that. As the day went on, I had to take Amie to meet a friend. This same feeling of light and dizzy and almost drunk kept up throughout the day. By 5 last night I decided I had not been able to talk it away, sleep it away and was getting pretty nervous. I ran into emergency and found myself in a room with iv hooked up, getting a cat scan, ekg, and all the other stuff. I was told to follow up with a neurologist on Monday. They said the ct had shown I had some sort of old fracture that is up until now still unexplained.
The meds they gave me made me sleep through the night. My thought was I would be normal by this morning. As I lifted out of bed and tested the water.......I was disappointed to feel the same as I had yesterday! Crap! Give me a break. I have things to do, a family to take care of and a life to live! I thought about laying back down and staying in bed, but my brain would not shut down, so I got up and decided to get ready for church. After all, when you feel off kilter, where would you rather be than in church where something miraculous can happen. Not that it can't right here or in the hospital, but it seems when you get a whole bunch of people together that believe in miracles, they happen!
Here's the crazy part....... I have to put a disclaimer here, I am NOT one that sees visions and dreams dreams. I know people do and I have asked God to give me dreams, just hasn't happened for me. However, this morning as I decided to get to the bath and get ready for church, something happened. It was a chore, every step from getting into the shower to getting dressed. Each move I made, I just wanted to make it in the direction of the bed. Then as I was standing in the mirror putting on a bit of face, instead of seeing my face I was looking at a soldier, in medevial times, putting on his armor and getting ready for battle. Every time I picked up a different piece of make up, I saw a different piece of armor! Suddenly I realized, this is not about how I feel, this is a battle and I am making a choice to fight it. I truly believe that God is saying to me, "Get up and fight". Wow!!! I saw the whole thing at this point. Satan wants to defeat me. He knows that i am on the verge of kicking his butt!
I was dressed, came downstairs waiting for everyone else to dress. A looked up the word battle in the Bible. Duet 20 and this is what God said to me.
Hear O Isreal, today you go up to battle against your enemies. Do not be let your hearts faint, do not be afraid, do not tremble neither be terrified before their faces. For Jehovah your God is He who goes with you to fight for you and to save you.
Well, I am on my way to meet with a bunch of believers at church. I am soooo excited to see how God is going to win this battle for me!
Stormie
Thursday, March 11, 2010
We All Need Somebody To Lean On
There are some days.....you know the kind. Something comes down on you and you just need a friend. A real friend. One that will listen and hear what you are saying. But not only that, you need someone to give you something to hold on to, something that will help you get past this thing you have hanging over you. Some friends can listen, some can sympathize, some can even empathize with you. But how many friends do you have that will give you truth and a good word right when you need it the most?
I had to do an inventory of my friends today. I wanted to know who I have in my life that I can spill my guts to and trust to love me and be able to steer me in the right direction if I need it. I also wanted to know who in my life can really touch the heart of God for me. It's not enough that someone can just listen. Anyone can do that! I want to know that in a crisis, I have a friend that can storm Heaven for me. I want to know that I have a friend that will give me good council and knows the word.
On the flip side.....I did an inventory of my own heart. What kind of a friend am I? Do I care? Do I give solid council? Do I really pray when I say I will? Do I really have God's heart for my friends the way I want them to have His heart for me?
Today I had a divine appointment with a friend that was having one of those days. I'm not sure I was ready for what came down. As we spoke, I had to do a "crash" prayer asking God to give me the right words for her. My puny brain was at a loss. God was faithful! But as I left that meeting, I realized how much I needed God. All the time, every day, in every way.
I challenge you to do an inventory of your own self and of your friends.
I had to do an inventory of my friends today. I wanted to know who I have in my life that I can spill my guts to and trust to love me and be able to steer me in the right direction if I need it. I also wanted to know who in my life can really touch the heart of God for me. It's not enough that someone can just listen. Anyone can do that! I want to know that in a crisis, I have a friend that can storm Heaven for me. I want to know that I have a friend that will give me good council and knows the word.
On the flip side.....I did an inventory of my own heart. What kind of a friend am I? Do I care? Do I give solid council? Do I really pray when I say I will? Do I really have God's heart for my friends the way I want them to have His heart for me?
Today I had a divine appointment with a friend that was having one of those days. I'm not sure I was ready for what came down. As we spoke, I had to do a "crash" prayer asking God to give me the right words for her. My puny brain was at a loss. God was faithful! But as I left that meeting, I realized how much I needed God. All the time, every day, in every way.
I challenge you to do an inventory of your own self and of your friends.
Tuesday, May 26, 2009
Sweet Surrender
Like many people, I have often found myself in a standoff with my husband, both of us unwilling to let go until the other one does. It doesn’t matter what started the conflict, the results were always the same. A standoff; each one of us holding his own ground. Then there is the deafening silence at night as we lay next to each other, and passing each other while trying NOT to make eye contact. Somehow we think whoever surrenders first, loses.
However, I am learning that there are times when the first to surrender truly is a winner! Jesus surrendered to the cross, when He had done no wrong. Surrender led to His death, which would seem like a total loss. However, in His death, He took the keys to death, Hell, and the grave so that we can live. I think that makes Him a “Winner”! There are times we have to surrender to come out a winner. Like Jesus laid down His rights as the Son of God, I often have to surrender my rights; my right to be right, my family, my husband, my job, etc. Since surrender doesn’t come naturally, I really need God’s help with that one! However, I find that if I truly surrender everything to God, then He in turn makes surrender sweet. I have yet to surrender and lose!
However, I am learning that there are times when the first to surrender truly is a winner! Jesus surrendered to the cross, when He had done no wrong. Surrender led to His death, which would seem like a total loss. However, in His death, He took the keys to death, Hell, and the grave so that we can live. I think that makes Him a “Winner”! There are times we have to surrender to come out a winner. Like Jesus laid down His rights as the Son of God, I often have to surrender my rights; my right to be right, my family, my husband, my job, etc. Since surrender doesn’t come naturally, I really need God’s help with that one! However, I find that if I truly surrender everything to God, then He in turn makes surrender sweet. I have yet to surrender and lose!
Sunday, February 22, 2009
I'm Okay!
It starts with a fall....... We get tripped up, or we slip, or get hit with something and down we go.
Then comes the pain....... "Oh it hurts so bad, I don't know if I can get up again! I'm never going to feel the same. Will this wound ever heal?! I just know I'm going to die!"
Then comes the pride......"Did anyone see? Does anyone know? What if they find out? How can I face anyone now?"
Then comes the cover up......."I think I'll just stay away. I'll change my circle of friends. If I don't see anyone, they can't sense that something is wrong. Maybe if I can draw attention to someone else or something else, they won't focus on me."
Then comes the lies. "No one cares about me. I'll fix it myself and then get back in touch with people. This is to big, it can't be fixed. No one else would understand this."
It becomes a vicious cyle. Sin, get hurt, run and hide, over and over until something happens to break that cycle. Here's the problem. The only one that can break that cyle is us. But we're to busy running and hiding and licking our wounds. That's exactly where Satan wants to keep you! Over in a corner somewhere licking your wounds! It's very hard to look up from this position. And sometimes it hurts so bad that we're just trying to barely hold it together and we can't see past the end of our problem.
1Peter 5:8 Be sober, be vigilant; because your adversary the devil, as a roaring lion, walketh about, seeking whom he may devour:
Your enemy is not your friend, or family member, or boss, or whomever has caused this pain in you. It is Satan, the enemy of your soul, the roaring lion in 1 Peter 5:8. In order for a lion to devour its prey, it must be wounded and incapable of fighting back. The lion has to inflict enough pain and injury to slow his victim down so he can finish the kill. First he gets his victim seperated from the flock. Then he takes a stab at him to cause injury. While his next meal is limping along unable to fight back, he comes in for the kill and devours him.
In the jungle it's "survival of the fittest". In our Christian walk, it is the same. If you are going to fight off the devil and his attacks, you must be fit! Several keys to spiritual fitness are;
1. Stay with the flock! A lone ranger is easy to pick off. Especially if you are hurting in some way. It's the flock that will provide the distraction and protection from the enemy.
2. Nutrition is a key to having the strength to fight back. If you are not in the Word and if you are not being fed properly on a regular basis, then you become weak. You are unable to wage a fight, thus, a hit from the enemy that might be easily fended off, could be the very thing that brings you down.
3. Learn from your fellow flockers. Surely there are others around you that have encountered the enemy in different ways. They have come through and are still standing as a living testimony that you can overcome. Find out how they did it. Watch how others fight off the enemy in their lives and overcome the temptation to just lie down and die.
4. Develop a strategy for the next attack. You must be aware that you will be attacked again, and again, and again. It is wise to have an out, a strategy to get away. The best thing to do is stay away from situations that will require you to shed blood in an attack. Just as they teach in a self defense class, the key is to avoid situations in which you can be attacked. Be sure you are hanging with the right crowd. Be sure you are aware of your surroundings.
I'm sure I could go on and on, but I think you get the point. If you are in a situation that you are wounded, and always seem to be defeated, do an inventory and ask yourself if you are following some of these steps above. If not, now is the time to start! Now is the time to get close to the Shepherd (Jesus) and stay with the flock (your brothers and sisters in Christ). Now is the time to feed on the Word and gain strength for your time of crisis.
Be strong, be blessed!
stormie
Then comes the pain....... "Oh it hurts so bad, I don't know if I can get up again! I'm never going to feel the same. Will this wound ever heal?! I just know I'm going to die!"
Then comes the pride......"Did anyone see? Does anyone know? What if they find out? How can I face anyone now?"
Then comes the cover up......."I think I'll just stay away. I'll change my circle of friends. If I don't see anyone, they can't sense that something is wrong. Maybe if I can draw attention to someone else or something else, they won't focus on me."
Then comes the lies. "No one cares about me. I'll fix it myself and then get back in touch with people. This is to big, it can't be fixed. No one else would understand this."
It becomes a vicious cyle. Sin, get hurt, run and hide, over and over until something happens to break that cycle. Here's the problem. The only one that can break that cyle is us. But we're to busy running and hiding and licking our wounds. That's exactly where Satan wants to keep you! Over in a corner somewhere licking your wounds! It's very hard to look up from this position. And sometimes it hurts so bad that we're just trying to barely hold it together and we can't see past the end of our problem.
1Peter 5:8 Be sober, be vigilant; because your adversary the devil, as a roaring lion, walketh about, seeking whom he may devour:
Your enemy is not your friend, or family member, or boss, or whomever has caused this pain in you. It is Satan, the enemy of your soul, the roaring lion in 1 Peter 5:8. In order for a lion to devour its prey, it must be wounded and incapable of fighting back. The lion has to inflict enough pain and injury to slow his victim down so he can finish the kill. First he gets his victim seperated from the flock. Then he takes a stab at him to cause injury. While his next meal is limping along unable to fight back, he comes in for the kill and devours him.
In the jungle it's "survival of the fittest". In our Christian walk, it is the same. If you are going to fight off the devil and his attacks, you must be fit! Several keys to spiritual fitness are;
1. Stay with the flock! A lone ranger is easy to pick off. Especially if you are hurting in some way. It's the flock that will provide the distraction and protection from the enemy.
2. Nutrition is a key to having the strength to fight back. If you are not in the Word and if you are not being fed properly on a regular basis, then you become weak. You are unable to wage a fight, thus, a hit from the enemy that might be easily fended off, could be the very thing that brings you down.
3. Learn from your fellow flockers. Surely there are others around you that have encountered the enemy in different ways. They have come through and are still standing as a living testimony that you can overcome. Find out how they did it. Watch how others fight off the enemy in their lives and overcome the temptation to just lie down and die.
4. Develop a strategy for the next attack. You must be aware that you will be attacked again, and again, and again. It is wise to have an out, a strategy to get away. The best thing to do is stay away from situations that will require you to shed blood in an attack. Just as they teach in a self defense class, the key is to avoid situations in which you can be attacked. Be sure you are hanging with the right crowd. Be sure you are aware of your surroundings.
I'm sure I could go on and on, but I think you get the point. If you are in a situation that you are wounded, and always seem to be defeated, do an inventory and ask yourself if you are following some of these steps above. If not, now is the time to start! Now is the time to get close to the Shepherd (Jesus) and stay with the flock (your brothers and sisters in Christ). Now is the time to feed on the Word and gain strength for your time of crisis.
Be strong, be blessed!
stormie
Monday, February 2, 2009
Mean Girls (and boys!)
Why are kids so mean? I'm not sure I remember such meanness when I was growing up. I got picked on, sometimes in fun, sometimes not, but it didn't seem like it was as consistent as it is today. I'm not sure it permanently damaged me, but then I guess you would have to talk to my husband or kids to find that out.
This week, I found out that my beautiful daughter, Amie, gets picked on daily. There are a few girls at school that have made it their goal in life to make my daughter miserable and make her feel like she is a misfit. Yes, there has been the occasional boy that has taken shots at her as well. Just a few weeks ago a young man decided he was not happy with her and grabbed her around the neck and started to choke her. Thank God one of her friends was there and was able to get the guy off of her! But it seems like the girls have it out for her more. She told me that she is told daily that she is ugly, that she doesn't fit in. There are rumors started about her that are untrue, she gets things stolen from her, she gets slapped, and much more. At first, I thought maybe she is doing something that attracts all this attention, or maybe she is reacting in a way that makes it fun for them to pick on her. I decided to talk to a few other moms of teens and see if I was the only one dealing with this. Alas! I am not. It seems like everyone elses kid gets picked on too. I can't even print some of the stories I have heard. From getting knives pulled on them, to getting stuffed in trash cans.....these poor kids are having to live their lives in fear! Amie hates to go to school, and now I see why. She tells me about how many of the kids treat the teachers and other students. I'm not sure I could handle living in her world!
We have tried to figure this out for a while now. But this latest thing is really taking its toll on her. Because she is listening to the things being said about her, she is beginning to think she really is ugly! She has decided that the way to deal with this is to make herself look like those that are picking on her and just try to blend into the woodwork. She is talking make up, hair extensions, hair color, etc. Anything she can do that would make her fit in. As a mom, it's heartbreaking. Will she take up smoking, try drugs, or change the way she speaks, or the way she acts and treats others just to fit in? When she was little, I could fix most things that were wrong. Now that she is 15, she is tackling grown up issues, most of which she will have to learn to deal with on her own. As I am digging into the archives of my life for any information and ammunition to give her to cope, I am realizing that she is learning and dealing with the very same things that we do on a daily basis.
Yes, these are truly grown up issues. We think that it is a teen thing and that they are all acting like babies. However, when you really think about it, we all have our times and places that we want to fit in and be like every one else. Think about it....our hair, our styles, places we shop and hang out, influences that we listen and adhere to are all pretty much the same things our teens are dealing with. How are we handling these things? Is Amie watching the way I interact with life and react to situations and mirroring my actions?
If I were in her situation, what would my reactions be? How would I feel if everyone told me I was ugly on a daily basis? Would I want to run away, conform, or fight back? But wait, that is happening in my world! I constantly hear that I should look younger, that it is a shame to grow old. How do I react to that? I wash the grey out of my hair, I look for products that will reduce the wrinkles I have earned, I try to wear clothing that doesn't date me, I hang out with people that are "hip" and younger so I feel younger. Does that sound familiar? I'm also told that I should have certain things that make me cool. So, I buy things I don't need, with money I don't have, to impress people I don't even like! How does this make me any different than my daughter? If I am listening to the world and letting it form who I am, how is she supposed to learn to be herself? I'm not really talking hair and makeup. I'm talking attitude and self worth, knowing who you are and being comfortable in your own skin regardless of what anyone else says about you or to you. You know, the skin God gave you! Whether it is brown, white, yellow or green, it's yours. God made you who you are.
I think that what I have to remember and teach my daughter is that we are NOT supposed to be like the rest of the world. We are supposed to be set apart. If that means our attitude is different, or the way we dress is different, or how we talk or look at situations is different, SO BE IT! We are different! We are supposed to be who God created us to be, NOT who are friends or family are telling us we should be. If we were all a bunch of clones, how boring and empty life would be.
The bottom line: We are not the only ones that feels these pressures on a daily basis. How we live is many times how our children live and deal with their pressures. And though we can't fix it for them and make everyone play nice, we can be an example of how to play with the rest of the world. And, when we play by God's rules, we always win!
This week, I found out that my beautiful daughter, Amie, gets picked on daily. There are a few girls at school that have made it their goal in life to make my daughter miserable and make her feel like she is a misfit. Yes, there has been the occasional boy that has taken shots at her as well. Just a few weeks ago a young man decided he was not happy with her and grabbed her around the neck and started to choke her. Thank God one of her friends was there and was able to get the guy off of her! But it seems like the girls have it out for her more. She told me that she is told daily that she is ugly, that she doesn't fit in. There are rumors started about her that are untrue, she gets things stolen from her, she gets slapped, and much more. At first, I thought maybe she is doing something that attracts all this attention, or maybe she is reacting in a way that makes it fun for them to pick on her. I decided to talk to a few other moms of teens and see if I was the only one dealing with this. Alas! I am not. It seems like everyone elses kid gets picked on too. I can't even print some of the stories I have heard. From getting knives pulled on them, to getting stuffed in trash cans.....these poor kids are having to live their lives in fear! Amie hates to go to school, and now I see why. She tells me about how many of the kids treat the teachers and other students. I'm not sure I could handle living in her world!
We have tried to figure this out for a while now. But this latest thing is really taking its toll on her. Because she is listening to the things being said about her, she is beginning to think she really is ugly! She has decided that the way to deal with this is to make herself look like those that are picking on her and just try to blend into the woodwork. She is talking make up, hair extensions, hair color, etc. Anything she can do that would make her fit in. As a mom, it's heartbreaking. Will she take up smoking, try drugs, or change the way she speaks, or the way she acts and treats others just to fit in? When she was little, I could fix most things that were wrong. Now that she is 15, she is tackling grown up issues, most of which she will have to learn to deal with on her own. As I am digging into the archives of my life for any information and ammunition to give her to cope, I am realizing that she is learning and dealing with the very same things that we do on a daily basis.
Yes, these are truly grown up issues. We think that it is a teen thing and that they are all acting like babies. However, when you really think about it, we all have our times and places that we want to fit in and be like every one else. Think about it....our hair, our styles, places we shop and hang out, influences that we listen and adhere to are all pretty much the same things our teens are dealing with. How are we handling these things? Is Amie watching the way I interact with life and react to situations and mirroring my actions?
If I were in her situation, what would my reactions be? How would I feel if everyone told me I was ugly on a daily basis? Would I want to run away, conform, or fight back? But wait, that is happening in my world! I constantly hear that I should look younger, that it is a shame to grow old. How do I react to that? I wash the grey out of my hair, I look for products that will reduce the wrinkles I have earned, I try to wear clothing that doesn't date me, I hang out with people that are "hip" and younger so I feel younger. Does that sound familiar? I'm also told that I should have certain things that make me cool. So, I buy things I don't need, with money I don't have, to impress people I don't even like! How does this make me any different than my daughter? If I am listening to the world and letting it form who I am, how is she supposed to learn to be herself? I'm not really talking hair and makeup. I'm talking attitude and self worth, knowing who you are and being comfortable in your own skin regardless of what anyone else says about you or to you. You know, the skin God gave you! Whether it is brown, white, yellow or green, it's yours. God made you who you are.
I think that what I have to remember and teach my daughter is that we are NOT supposed to be like the rest of the world. We are supposed to be set apart. If that means our attitude is different, or the way we dress is different, or how we talk or look at situations is different, SO BE IT! We are different! We are supposed to be who God created us to be, NOT who are friends or family are telling us we should be. If we were all a bunch of clones, how boring and empty life would be.
The bottom line: We are not the only ones that feels these pressures on a daily basis. How we live is many times how our children live and deal with their pressures. And though we can't fix it for them and make everyone play nice, we can be an example of how to play with the rest of the world. And, when we play by God's rules, we always win!
Thursday, January 22, 2009
All The Way Home
I have had so many responses to what I shared in my January newsletter that I decided to post it here so you can read it. I will be posting things that I feel may be helpful to you in just your everyday living and the things we all face. Thanks for reading, feel free to share these with anyone you feel may need to hear them. Stormie
All The Way Home January 9, 2009
Stormie Sheldon Newman
I’ve heard many people over my lifetime say, “God woke me up in the middle of the night and told me………..” Well, there have been times I wish God would do that for me, although I’m not sure I’d remember anything He told me at 3am. And, if He did speak to me that way, I’d be very careful about blabbing it around as many folks just don’t understand this type of thing. I get it, but it just doesn’t happen to me! This morning about 3 am, the dog had to go outside. Reluctantly I went to the door and patiently waited until he finished and came back in. I gratefully crawled back into bed ready to get a few more hours of much needed rest. As I lay there, events of the past few weeks and months began to play themselves out in my mind like a video. My home life was being attacked by something or someone. I don’t mean my physical home, I mean my family and life events and those everyday things that are part of being a family and living life. What has always been my haven, now seemed to be the place I felt like running from. I knew that wasn’t the way it should be and I said as much to God in my half awake state. I told Him how I felt. That this was crap! Here I am, loving and serving Him, here I am being a good girl, taking care of my family and doing all the right things and I’m getting crap. Then a phrase started going through my mind. Go all the way home, all the way home. The longer I lay there trying to force sleep, the clearer it became that God was trying to say something to me. Knowing that God is almighty and all powerful, I mumbled into the dark, “If you can wake me up at 3 am to tell me this, can’t you remember it at 6 am and wake me then and we can share over a cup of Starbucks?!” Alas, I am apparently speaking in vain. I got up and came down to my computer and you are about to read the thoughts that have come to me at this moment.
All the Way Home
Home – The objective in various games
Home – Ones physical place of residence, house, familiar and congenial setting
Home – The land of ones birth or citizenship
Almost every board game I played growing up had a “Home”, a safe place. The goal was to successfully navigate around the board and get your little non-gender specific game piece all the way home. Home was a place where you were finally free. You couldn’t be attacked, you couldn’t be penalized or fined, at last you could rest while everyone else that was still in the game fought to bring their politically correct game piece Home. It was hard work to get home. There were times you would be almost there, right at the door, you could taste the victory, and whack! Out of nowhere you are knocked out! You are sent back to the beginning of your hard journey around the board. Or, even worse, you are hit with some kind of penalty that cripples you and now it seems like you will never get Home at all. Everyone else is flying by you, they are landing on the “good” spaces and getting rewarded or pushed closer to home. After all, home is the final goal, and to be safe and be a winner is all that any of us want. But, what would happen if there was no “Home”. What if there wasn’t a safe place to be and there seemed to be no rest, no end to the journey, or worse yet, no point to the game at all? First of all, without Home, there is no place to go. There is no reward for all of the hard work you just did, and there is no sense of purpose in the game at all. Second, without Home, there is no place of rest. There is no place of peace and sense of well being. There is just a continual track around which we run our little game piece until it wears us out.
After many years of running around the board of life, I finally made it Home. I finally found a space on the board I proudly called my “happy place”. I love my life and practically everything about it. God has allowed me to have the best friends in the world. I love what I do as a calling and a profession. He gave me the best husband and family, including the three best dogs in the world! He has given me a beautiful home that I have spent countless time decorating, and making it personally ours, a safe haven and a place of peace. I finally have a place that I love to be and a life I love to live. For the past few years anyone who would come to our house always remarked that it was such a place of peace. I felt proud that we had been able to accomplish that. Everything had finally fallen in place for me. I was sitting back here in my home, resting, relaxing, doing work I love, being with the people I love. The ministry that God had called me to had finally begun to take wings and fly. The business we built was doing well. All was right in Stormie’s world. And, if something wasn’t quite right in part of my world, I always knew I could come home and it would be ok there.
In the middle of my euphoria, something happened. In fact a few somethings happened. It seemed like my happy place just disappeared overnight! Like mortar shells from enemy fire, all hell broke loose in my home. Now, I can handle all hell breaking loose in everyone else’s life or in other various parts of the world. Just NOT mine! I went through hell to get to this point, so now is my time to be “Home”. But, apparently, I wasn’t going to get my way. One thing after another began to hit our family. I mean from the inside out. We have always been able to weather anything hurled at us from the outside, but now I’m dealing with stuff in my safe place! I’m not sure I can handle this! There is too much to be able to tell it all, but they are things like sickness, accidents, emotional tension, finances, teenager issues, work issues, discouragement, etc. Stuff we all face, so on one hand it doesn’t sound like a really big deal. You try to tell yourself, “Get a grip, that’s life, deal with it and move on!” However, when all of it hits you at once, like a ton of bricks, and in your happy place……you feel like you can’t breathe. You don’t know which thing to deal with first, and many times you don’t even know how to deal with it. So, all of a sudden my peaceful, happy, place I love to be is the place I want to run away from. Now instead of being my refuge and haven, it is my source of contention and pain. I find myself in a place that I am at a loss for what to do. The “home” that I have worked so hard to attain, is no longer there. Oh, the physical part is there…..but the refuge, the rest, is the shelter is gone. Now, my comfort is in running the race around the board. If I can just keep busy enough I won’t have to think or deal with it. Even better, if I keep busy enough I won’t be there as much and be faced with all of it.
This is where the good part happens! As I am in the middle of this turmoil wondering what has happened to my happy home, I am repeating the phrase that was going through my head as I am trying to block it out and sleep. “Go all the way home, go all the way home, ALL the way home……….” AHA! It dawns on me! He finally gets through! This is NOT my home. Yes, it’s my dwelling place, yes, it’s my residence, the place I live out my day to day physical existence. But what about my spirit? That is what is in need of refuge! That’s where I hurt and I’m sad. It’s my spirit and emotions that need a break. I have worked so hard to make a place to come home to that I thought would be my protection and refuge from everything bad that could ever happen. I thought my husband who is my best friend would be my strength when things came at us. I thought my child would be my comfort when I was down. I thought the things I surrounded myself with would be my encouragement. There is nothing wrong with all of those things, and we all need a physical place like this. But, what happens when the enemy of our soul begins to attack even this place that we’ve built? What happens when our personal “strong tower” is crumbling down around us and there’s nothing we can do about it. What happens when the person we depend on to be our strength has barely enough of his own and none left to give? Where do you go when every corner of your happy place is overrun with sad? You go ALL THE WAY HOME! You head for the land of your citizenship which is in the spirit world because we are a spirit being. Most of us think we are physical beings living in a spiritual world when we give our lives to Christ. However, the reality is that we are spiritual beings living in a temporal and physical world. This world is NOT our home, we are just passing through. Our true home, our treasures, and our security is in our final destination and in Jesus! Wow! I knew that…….but I don’t know that I really got it like I should have and I know I haven’t been living it like I should. Somehow in my mind this was it. God had finally given me my hearts desires; a beautiful home, a husband, kids, work, purpose, etc. This was my happy place and refuge. What I was dismissing was that all of this is corruptible! Yes, corruptible. That means that is can be compromised. That means that the enemy can get in and upset the apple cart. What I worked so hard to create could be gone with the snap of my finger. Where is the comfort in that? Where is the peace? You see, if home is not there……..or if home becomes corrupted we are at a loss. Home for you can be many things. It is the place you live, invest your time, creativity and energy. It is where your heart is. So, I guess my bottom line from God this morning was this……..Where is my heart? Where do I spend my time? Where do I go for comfort? Where do I draw my strength? Where do I unload my burden? What is important to me? Who do I run to for courage and direction?
Having a home, things, family, good job and building a physical life around you is good. Those are Gods blessings. I thank God every day for what He has given me. But no matter what your background, how you live, whether you feel blessed or cursed, we are all only a heartache from hell and a heartbeat from heaven. Nothing stays the same, stuff comes and goes, people change, circumstances change and life just plain happens. Eventually everything we have made such a big priority in life will let us down, or fade away including our physical bodies. All we will be left with is our spirit man and our relationship with God and our choices that impact our eternal life.
Mat 6:19 (the message) Lay not up for yourselves treasures upon earth, where moth and rust doth corrupt, and where thieves break through and steal: Mat 6:20 But lay up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where neither moth nor rust doth corrupt, and where thieves do not break through nor steal: Mat 6:21 For where your treasure is, there will your heart be also.So it appears that God is telling me that if will consciously begin to switch my focus on Him that my earthly, physical “happy place” will be a direct result of my heart being at home with Him! Mat 6:30 "If God gives such attention to the appearance of wildflowers--most of which are never even seen--don't you think he'll attend to you, take pride in you, do his best for you? Mat 6:31 What I'm trying to do here is to get you to relax, to not be so preoccupied with getting, so you can respond to God's giving. Mat 6:32 People who don't know God and the way he works fuss over these things, but you know both God and how he works. Mat 6:33 Steep your life in God-reality, God-initiative, God-provisions. Don't worry about missing out. You'll find all your everyday human concerns will be met. Mat 6:34 "Give your entire attention to what God is doing right now, and don't get worked up about what may or may not happen tomorrow. God will help you deal with whatever hard things come up when the time comes.
I’ve thought it through long and hard in the past few hours. I’m not good to go for anything or anyone with the skewed perception I’ve had of where my happy place is. I pray that as I begin to redistribute my loyalties and refocus my attention in the right direction, that I will finally get “All The Way Home”.
All The Way Home January 9, 2009
Stormie Sheldon Newman
I’ve heard many people over my lifetime say, “God woke me up in the middle of the night and told me………..” Well, there have been times I wish God would do that for me, although I’m not sure I’d remember anything He told me at 3am. And, if He did speak to me that way, I’d be very careful about blabbing it around as many folks just don’t understand this type of thing. I get it, but it just doesn’t happen to me! This morning about 3 am, the dog had to go outside. Reluctantly I went to the door and patiently waited until he finished and came back in. I gratefully crawled back into bed ready to get a few more hours of much needed rest. As I lay there, events of the past few weeks and months began to play themselves out in my mind like a video. My home life was being attacked by something or someone. I don’t mean my physical home, I mean my family and life events and those everyday things that are part of being a family and living life. What has always been my haven, now seemed to be the place I felt like running from. I knew that wasn’t the way it should be and I said as much to God in my half awake state. I told Him how I felt. That this was crap! Here I am, loving and serving Him, here I am being a good girl, taking care of my family and doing all the right things and I’m getting crap. Then a phrase started going through my mind. Go all the way home, all the way home. The longer I lay there trying to force sleep, the clearer it became that God was trying to say something to me. Knowing that God is almighty and all powerful, I mumbled into the dark, “If you can wake me up at 3 am to tell me this, can’t you remember it at 6 am and wake me then and we can share over a cup of Starbucks?!” Alas, I am apparently speaking in vain. I got up and came down to my computer and you are about to read the thoughts that have come to me at this moment.
All the Way Home
Home – The objective in various games
Home – Ones physical place of residence, house, familiar and congenial setting
Home – The land of ones birth or citizenship
Almost every board game I played growing up had a “Home”, a safe place. The goal was to successfully navigate around the board and get your little non-gender specific game piece all the way home. Home was a place where you were finally free. You couldn’t be attacked, you couldn’t be penalized or fined, at last you could rest while everyone else that was still in the game fought to bring their politically correct game piece Home. It was hard work to get home. There were times you would be almost there, right at the door, you could taste the victory, and whack! Out of nowhere you are knocked out! You are sent back to the beginning of your hard journey around the board. Or, even worse, you are hit with some kind of penalty that cripples you and now it seems like you will never get Home at all. Everyone else is flying by you, they are landing on the “good” spaces and getting rewarded or pushed closer to home. After all, home is the final goal, and to be safe and be a winner is all that any of us want. But, what would happen if there was no “Home”. What if there wasn’t a safe place to be and there seemed to be no rest, no end to the journey, or worse yet, no point to the game at all? First of all, without Home, there is no place to go. There is no reward for all of the hard work you just did, and there is no sense of purpose in the game at all. Second, without Home, there is no place of rest. There is no place of peace and sense of well being. There is just a continual track around which we run our little game piece until it wears us out.
After many years of running around the board of life, I finally made it Home. I finally found a space on the board I proudly called my “happy place”. I love my life and practically everything about it. God has allowed me to have the best friends in the world. I love what I do as a calling and a profession. He gave me the best husband and family, including the three best dogs in the world! He has given me a beautiful home that I have spent countless time decorating, and making it personally ours, a safe haven and a place of peace. I finally have a place that I love to be and a life I love to live. For the past few years anyone who would come to our house always remarked that it was such a place of peace. I felt proud that we had been able to accomplish that. Everything had finally fallen in place for me. I was sitting back here in my home, resting, relaxing, doing work I love, being with the people I love. The ministry that God had called me to had finally begun to take wings and fly. The business we built was doing well. All was right in Stormie’s world. And, if something wasn’t quite right in part of my world, I always knew I could come home and it would be ok there.
In the middle of my euphoria, something happened. In fact a few somethings happened. It seemed like my happy place just disappeared overnight! Like mortar shells from enemy fire, all hell broke loose in my home. Now, I can handle all hell breaking loose in everyone else’s life or in other various parts of the world. Just NOT mine! I went through hell to get to this point, so now is my time to be “Home”. But, apparently, I wasn’t going to get my way. One thing after another began to hit our family. I mean from the inside out. We have always been able to weather anything hurled at us from the outside, but now I’m dealing with stuff in my safe place! I’m not sure I can handle this! There is too much to be able to tell it all, but they are things like sickness, accidents, emotional tension, finances, teenager issues, work issues, discouragement, etc. Stuff we all face, so on one hand it doesn’t sound like a really big deal. You try to tell yourself, “Get a grip, that’s life, deal with it and move on!” However, when all of it hits you at once, like a ton of bricks, and in your happy place……you feel like you can’t breathe. You don’t know which thing to deal with first, and many times you don’t even know how to deal with it. So, all of a sudden my peaceful, happy, place I love to be is the place I want to run away from. Now instead of being my refuge and haven, it is my source of contention and pain. I find myself in a place that I am at a loss for what to do. The “home” that I have worked so hard to attain, is no longer there. Oh, the physical part is there…..but the refuge, the rest, is the shelter is gone. Now, my comfort is in running the race around the board. If I can just keep busy enough I won’t have to think or deal with it. Even better, if I keep busy enough I won’t be there as much and be faced with all of it.
This is where the good part happens! As I am in the middle of this turmoil wondering what has happened to my happy home, I am repeating the phrase that was going through my head as I am trying to block it out and sleep. “Go all the way home, go all the way home, ALL the way home……….” AHA! It dawns on me! He finally gets through! This is NOT my home. Yes, it’s my dwelling place, yes, it’s my residence, the place I live out my day to day physical existence. But what about my spirit? That is what is in need of refuge! That’s where I hurt and I’m sad. It’s my spirit and emotions that need a break. I have worked so hard to make a place to come home to that I thought would be my protection and refuge from everything bad that could ever happen. I thought my husband who is my best friend would be my strength when things came at us. I thought my child would be my comfort when I was down. I thought the things I surrounded myself with would be my encouragement. There is nothing wrong with all of those things, and we all need a physical place like this. But, what happens when the enemy of our soul begins to attack even this place that we’ve built? What happens when our personal “strong tower” is crumbling down around us and there’s nothing we can do about it. What happens when the person we depend on to be our strength has barely enough of his own and none left to give? Where do you go when every corner of your happy place is overrun with sad? You go ALL THE WAY HOME! You head for the land of your citizenship which is in the spirit world because we are a spirit being. Most of us think we are physical beings living in a spiritual world when we give our lives to Christ. However, the reality is that we are spiritual beings living in a temporal and physical world. This world is NOT our home, we are just passing through. Our true home, our treasures, and our security is in our final destination and in Jesus! Wow! I knew that…….but I don’t know that I really got it like I should have and I know I haven’t been living it like I should. Somehow in my mind this was it. God had finally given me my hearts desires; a beautiful home, a husband, kids, work, purpose, etc. This was my happy place and refuge. What I was dismissing was that all of this is corruptible! Yes, corruptible. That means that is can be compromised. That means that the enemy can get in and upset the apple cart. What I worked so hard to create could be gone with the snap of my finger. Where is the comfort in that? Where is the peace? You see, if home is not there……..or if home becomes corrupted we are at a loss. Home for you can be many things. It is the place you live, invest your time, creativity and energy. It is where your heart is. So, I guess my bottom line from God this morning was this……..Where is my heart? Where do I spend my time? Where do I go for comfort? Where do I draw my strength? Where do I unload my burden? What is important to me? Who do I run to for courage and direction?
Having a home, things, family, good job and building a physical life around you is good. Those are Gods blessings. I thank God every day for what He has given me. But no matter what your background, how you live, whether you feel blessed or cursed, we are all only a heartache from hell and a heartbeat from heaven. Nothing stays the same, stuff comes and goes, people change, circumstances change and life just plain happens. Eventually everything we have made such a big priority in life will let us down, or fade away including our physical bodies. All we will be left with is our spirit man and our relationship with God and our choices that impact our eternal life.
Mat 6:19 (the message) Lay not up for yourselves treasures upon earth, where moth and rust doth corrupt, and where thieves break through and steal: Mat 6:20 But lay up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where neither moth nor rust doth corrupt, and where thieves do not break through nor steal: Mat 6:21 For where your treasure is, there will your heart be also.So it appears that God is telling me that if will consciously begin to switch my focus on Him that my earthly, physical “happy place” will be a direct result of my heart being at home with Him! Mat 6:30 "If God gives such attention to the appearance of wildflowers--most of which are never even seen--don't you think he'll attend to you, take pride in you, do his best for you? Mat 6:31 What I'm trying to do here is to get you to relax, to not be so preoccupied with getting, so you can respond to God's giving. Mat 6:32 People who don't know God and the way he works fuss over these things, but you know both God and how he works. Mat 6:33 Steep your life in God-reality, God-initiative, God-provisions. Don't worry about missing out. You'll find all your everyday human concerns will be met. Mat 6:34 "Give your entire attention to what God is doing right now, and don't get worked up about what may or may not happen tomorrow. God will help you deal with whatever hard things come up when the time comes.
I’ve thought it through long and hard in the past few hours. I’m not good to go for anything or anyone with the skewed perception I’ve had of where my happy place is. I pray that as I begin to redistribute my loyalties and refocus my attention in the right direction, that I will finally get “All The Way Home”.
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